your friendly neighborhood poison (cyanide_blue) wrote,
your friendly neighborhood poison

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Choir concert tomorrow.

It's no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy.

Yeah, I know, how damn emo of me, posting song lyrics.

Now I'm going to go back to doing nothing at an amazing pace, and such dexterity.

It's kind of hard to insult someone who's viewed their faults head-on and accepted them as a part of their inherent ineligibility to be considered a decent person.

I'd rather be myself and know that I'm a nothing than convince myself otherwise.

Face it, kids, we're headed towards nothing; the big light in the sky is the product of an opiate called hope. I can't bear an existence without a god, but I can't bring myself to deny the essential structure of reality by saying that there is something out there that gives a damn. That one day I'll get my due. I know I won't. I won't allow myself to get my due. That's the whole damn problem.

Could be, who knows?

I'd rather be clear-headed. Let the faithful say what they will, that I'll be damned for being a skeptic - my eyes are open and no one can control me. Faith allows control. If I have faith in nothing, no one can control me.

I hope the choir concert goes well, that I'll admit. I have no faith that we'll do any better than today, but circumstances change.

There's no point anymore. Spite. Pride. Some strange breed of contentment that's the closest I'll get.

There's no point. Still, I'll play along.
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