your friendly neighborhood poison (cyanide_blue) wrote,
your friendly neighborhood poison

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A summer update.

I'm feeling teenage and generally morose.

These past two days have amused me, though. I've said the exact same things that my father has said at the exact same time, if not with a few seconds' delay, several times. It's frightening how alike we think, sometimes. I feel really badly sometimes about being so scatterbrained and looking as though I'm ignoring him, though.

It's been over seven months since... well, the Thing that very few of you know about and this is more for my sake than anyone else's, but it commands such a place in my life and it's just hard to believe that it was that long ago. Soon it'll be a year and then what?

I find it symbolic, that I face such a thing while sitting with my laptop in the dark. My mom told me to conserve energy where I can since she finally turned on the A/C, so when the timed light turned off, I left it off. I'm facing the dark. Facing the unknown. Letting myself realize that there might be ghosts there but even so they'd be there with the light on, too.

I... cannot even articulate how I've been feeling lately. My sister - who probably won't be reading this, but I have a feeling she'll be surprised I'm actually talking about her - is eight months pregnant. I'm out of high school. I'm going to lose my best friend in August. And I'm ... agh. I just feel alone and useless and slackery.

I am such a caffeine junkie. I wonder if they make a patch? That would probably help matters.
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